She’s a ‘Kiss My Ass’ Type of Girl
by Catnip2
Summary: Everwood through the eyes of a person no one likes. maybe future e/p
1. uno

"She's a 'Kiss My Ass' Type of Girl"

By: Catnip

You know how they say every animal is born with at least some parental instinct? Except for maybe, like, sharks. Well, my parents are sharks… They have three kids and don't pay any mind to any of them. Not even my brother Turner. 

Okay, this is how it works. My parents come from the elite of the elite. My mother's parents are dealers of rare art, and there isn't a collector in the world who doesn't know of them. My father's parents are both classy New York Lawyers. Those jobs go back for generations. How my parents ended up in Everwood, you ask? Five years ago they came across this 'cute' little town and thought 'hotel.' So my mom is the owner of the only luxury hotel with in 75 miles in any and all directions. My father, in his odd sense of rebellion, is the town dentist. The only dentist in a town of 9,000 people? He sees a lot of teeth…

My older brother Turner if mentally retarded. He's 20 but looks like he's my age and acts like he's six. With the exception of a few angered outbursts, he's a sweetie. He loves sunflowers, and balloons, and puppies that jump. You'll never meet a nicer, or more complex man in your life. And he loves me so much he makes me blush in public. He never went to normal school like I did, our family is loaded, he had all kinds of special tutors and people to help him. Several of them even came with us to Everwood. I'm actually kind of glad he doesn't go to High School, there are a lot of assholes that go there, who would make fun of him without knowing him. I should know, I'm friends with all of them.

My little brother is nine and in the 3rd grade. He's cool, in a geeky kind of way. He's a real math whiz. He does long division when he gets bored. Aaron. That's his name. He wants to be a doctor when he grows up, so he can help kids like Turner. Personally, I never thought Turner needed any help. He's happy. How many 'normal' people can say that?

Now for me, I bet you're wondering. My name is Paige. I'm a Sophomore in high school and an elitist. Well, kind of, but not really. I've been to so many different schools in my life it'd make you sick. In one year, I moved three times. That's why I was so glad my parents opened that hotel, they settled down. Anyway, through my experience with new schools I developed a kind of thing. On the first day, at the very first remark made to you, you snap back with something so quick and so clever and get so close to them, they don't know if you're fronting or have some secret kind of, ass kicking power they don't know about. Well in Everwood that one snap got me labeled a 'bitch' and it stuck. I kind of fell into the role without knowing it. I've barely said a nice word about anyone except my brothers since we got here. 

You know I'm not really a bitch. Not really. It's just, in Everwood there's something I had never seen at any other school. There were the elite, and the nerds. City schools don't have that. In city schools there's always this equality with everyone. Sure people stick with their own little groups, but no one group is better than the others, and they all seem to mix a little anyway. Everwood isn't like that. You have the cool, and the not cool. Before I knew it, I was cool. I was suddenly hated by everyone who wasn't 'elite,' and in some twisted sense of a hurt ego, an anger sprung up at those who hated me. They hated me without knowing me, so I found myself doing the same. 

I didn't really start it, you see. I never expected that the people I talked to would make people hate me, despise me, call me names. I never wanted to be the same as that. But this place, it has such set boundaries, I couldn't escape it. In the beginning I tried to talk to the 'not cool,' but they shunned me, told me to go talk to my 'cool friends.' So after a few years, that's all I did. I fell into the role everyone thought I was supposed to. I became what everyone thought I was. A bitch. And I hate it.

Actually for awhile it became normal, I just fell into it so well I stopped noticing. It was just so normal… But lately I've been reminded that I'm not who people think I am. I don't care about cool or not cool, I don't care who's elite and who's a geek. Lately I've been doing things I regret so much, I get angry at myself. But as angry at myself as I am, I'm scared to set things right. 

There's this girl, she's part of the 'elite' too, but it's not really who she is. She's nice, and sweet. Last Fourth of July her boyfriend fell into a coma. He woke up about a month ago with amnesia. I felt so sorry for her, that must have hurt so much. I tried to help her, but she never expected me too. And I have this _amazing _talent to only be what people think I am.

Anyway, last September, or, October, I forget, this world famous neurosurgeon comes to Everwood of all places after his wife dies. He brings his two kids with him. A little girl, I think, and a boy who's in my grade.  He was new, and had purple hair, and cartoons on his shirt. My friends went after he like he was Barney the Purple Dinosaur. I did too… I was mean to him, and he took it, he expected it. He fell for Amy, the girl with the coma boyfriend. He said there was nothing, she said there was nothing, but there was something. My friends went after him more. He was loosing the glue between Amy and her coma boyfriend Colin. Amy and Colin were like JFK and Jackie O. Guys wanted to be him, girls wanted to be her. They were everything, they were perfect. And now this boy, Ephram Brown, was beginning to ruin that, and while Colin was still in a coma, no less. 

He never knew what exactly he was getting in the middle of. All he knew was that on the first day of school, a pretty girl talked to him. Hell, she punched her own brother in the face for him… No wonder he fell. But, in all truth, where I couldn't, where no one could, he made Amy happy. And instead of thanking him for bringing some joy into the girl's life, we make fun of him, and attacked him. We lived up to what people think we are. Bitches. 

You have no idea how much I want to go over to him and apologize for being so mean. I should apologize to everyone, but mostly him. He didn't hate me until I gave him cause. I should thank him for making Amy happy, even though Colin is awake now, and whatever happened between Amy and Ephram is causing problems, I should still thank him. 

But you have to understand this is not an approachable guy we're talking about here. He's 5'11", dark purple hair, and this sunken face. He looks like he belongs in a Marilyn Manson video. But even though I love Marilyn Manson, I couldn't talk to Ephram for my life. Actually, he reminds me of my first boyfriend. Same face, same attitude. It's creepy, kind of…

So this is how it is currently. Ephram's at his locker and I'm just coming out of the girl's bathroom. He's trading his science book and gym clothes for a bottle of water and his Algebra book. I'm walking over to him, my uncomfortable heels 'clunking' on the floor and a school bag hung over my shoulder, bouncing on my hips as I try to approach him with some confidence. Just as I reach him he closes his locker and turns away from me down the hall, never once noticing I was there.

"Ephram!" I yelp out in such a scared, panicky little voice that I don't blame him for the look he gives me when he turns around. He hates me…

"What?" he demands, his voice translating everything his face showed into sounds. I panic, and my voice is gone for about two seconds. 

"You made Amy happy!" I blurt, turn, and run away.


	2. dos

Things in my life never go as planned. I can't remember a single time where I said, 'Alright, this is what's going to happen,' and being right… In the third grade, when I got my new hamster, I said, 'this hamster and I are going to be the best friends in the world forever and ever.' Five days later he jumped to his death off my dresser. I was too sad to think of it then, but now that I do, that wasn't very encouraging. He'd rather kill himself than be my friend. That ex-hamster and Ephram probably have a few things in common. 

That look on Ephram's face, that tone in his voice, it was, the most horrible thing I've ever experienced. He hated me so much… He looked like he wanted to tie me to a chair and pull out every individual hair on the whole of my head, one by one. I'm not going to bother asking what I did to deserve that look. I know very well what I did… I gave up my free will, my personality, my individuality… I became just another elitist snob who shunned him without knowing him. True, he did the same to me, but, he had cause. I never gave him a damn chance.

And now this catastrophe! 'You made Amy happy!' and run? What the Hell was I thinking? I was supposed to apologize to him for being a bitch, and thank him for making Amy happy. He probably already knows he did… But I need to tell him. He needs to hear that I'm grateful and that I'm sorry. But he scares me so much. 

An apology probably wouldn't be enough though, huh? Not for the past five years. You don't apologize for five years of bitchiness with words. I need to do something. Something to show the entire school how sorry I am, how much I hate what I've become. 

Okay, first order of business, ditch the bitch. I need to start being nice to people, smile, and wave, ask nerds for help on assignments, I need to bring myself to their level. Offer myself on the alter of Nerddom. Well, maybe not offer myself, that might have bad results. I need new friends too, or no friends, that'd be easier. 

But how am I supposed to get out of the 'elite' group? That won't be hard. If I start being nice, Kayla will start bothering me about it, thinking I've gone nuts. I'll have to wait until she bugs me at lunch. Then, in a booming voice, I'll tell her to go screw herself. Maybe throw some food in her face, depending what we're having… Then, publicly, I'll apologize to Ephram, if he's there and if I can find him. Right there in the cafeteria, in front of everyone. Then of course I run for my life. At least running is in the plan this time…

Things in my life never go as planned. Yell at Kayla, apologize to Ephram, and run. Didn't happen. Currently? I'm sitting in a chair next to the principal's office, covered in mashed potatoes. You're curious, aren't you? Well this should add to it, Ephram's sitting next to me, covered in mashed potatoes as well.

This is how it went. I didn't even get a chance to be nice to everyone. At lunch Kayla just made some bitchy remark and I, snapped. Before I knew it, I stood up in my chair, yelled 'Shut up Kayla!' so loud I thought my throat tore in two. At this point I have everyone's attention. Then I took a handful of mashed potatoes and peas from my tray, and shoved them in Kayla's face, and threw some down the front of her shirt. You should have seen the look on her face. So then I turned to Ephram who sat conveniently two tables away, and shouted, 'Ephram you made Amy happy! Thank you! And I'm sorry for how I act-!' I didn't get to finish. 

Kayla, her bearings back, punched me. Right in the eye. I flew to the floor. Then she jumped me and before I knew it, we were having a brawl. This girl defined the term 'cat fight.' And since it was high school, we soon found ourselves being pelted with mashed potato balls. When I got on top of her some guy pulled me off and held my arms, probably Bright, and Ephram pulled Kayla to her feet and held her. Of course Kayla, still in 'cat mode,' clawed him. She cut him with her false nails on the cheek. He looks like a cat got him.

So Kayla's in the principal's office, batting her eyelashes, and I'm out here smelling like Thanksgiving and holding a bag of ice to my blackening eye. Ephram's one cheek is potato free but he has this huge Band-Aid on it. His dad was called in, Kayla's parents were called in, and my parents were called but weren't about to come in. 

Kayla emerges from the office, covered in potatoes herself, with a small piece of turkey in her hair I couldn't help but grin at. She gave me a dirty stare of course but I didn't return. It's hard to give a dirty stare when half of your face is numb from pain and ice. My name was bellowed from inside the office so I sighed and stood up. Briefly I turned to Ephram.

"I'm sorry," I told him and headed toward the office. That scratch was the result of my plan.

"Good luck," I heard him say just as I reached the door. I turned to him, surprised, but he was staring at the ground in front of him, like he hadn't said anything. I smiled slightly and walked in to meet my fate.

I heard the door close behind me, so I suppose I must have shut it. The principal sat behind his desk with his back straight in all of his divine judgment. He frowned at me, so meekly I sat down in the chair Kayla had obviously been sitting in. Once I sat he remained silent for a few moments and I didn't look at him.

"We've acted a little out of character today, haven't we?" he asked. I looked up at him and felt his glare five times as I had before. 

"Not really…" I confessed and flinched as his eyes widened in surprise. He picked up a folder from his desk and looked at it. _My_ folder, no doubt.

"Member of the prom committee, cheerleader, girl's volleyball team player, and first chair oboe…" he read off. To him it was a list of accomplishments, to me, a list of regrets. Except maybe the oboe thing… He set the folder back on the desk and looked at me.

"Fist fights in the cafeteria with one of her closest and dearest friends hardly sound like actions _this girl would take…" he told me. 'Closest and dearest' what! Has this man ever __met Kayla? I sighed and looked up at him._

"I hate Kayla, and I hate most of Kayla's friends. They turned me into a bitch and I wanted out! And you can't talk to these people! No! That only gets you in worse! So I did the only thing I could to escape that gang of theirs! You don't want me to be part of a gang, do you Sir?" I explained briefly. This surprised him. After his shock he cleared his throat. 

"I suppose not… But, none the less, you have detention, after school, for two weeks… And don't let this happen again…" he told me and nodded. I stood up to leave.

"I swore on my own grave I'd never let myself become that again…" I told him and left the room. 


	3. three

I'm wearing a pair of faded jeans, old sneakers, and black, over sized T-shirt. Nothing matches and my hair is a mess. I'm walking down the middle of the hallway and I can feel every pair of eyes one me. Actually, I can feel every pair of eyes on my eye, which is a wonderful shade of purple and brown. I'm not psychic, but I know what they're thinking. 'There's Paige, she went crazy yesterday.' 'She rubbed potatoes in Kayla's face it was great!' and, from a few new enemies, 'that shirt looks so bad on her.'

And I welcome all of this with a smile. Some think I should be embarrassed now, but they don't understand. I'm free! No more heels that hurt, no more getting up early for a full hour of make-up applying, no more scowling and being mean. I can be nice again, being cool means nothing to me anymore. I'm free. 

I walk over to my locker and smile seeing the note written to it. The letters are written with a red marker and read very clearly, 'find a new place to sit at lunch, loser.' I let out a sigh of contentment and tear the paper off of my locker, fold it up neatly, and place it in my bag. I'll frame it when I get home. This is it, I'm officially out. 

In class I was surrounded by snickers and whispered comments I couldn't hear but knew what was said well enough. In a week everything will be different, instead of 'she's nuts,' it'll be 'she's nice.' They'll all see, see how much I can change when I decide things for myself. From now on, I'll be who I am, not who I'm expected to be. 

In lunch I find a nice table tucked away from everything, it's quiet and no one else ever sits there. I can eat my lunch in almost peace. I know the entire school is still talking about me, wondering what I'll do next. Maybe I'll set the school on fire, I bet that's what they're thinking. 

"Paige?" a voice asks me and I look up to see Amy smiling down on me. Okay, well, Amy wasn't the last person I'd expect to talk to me, but she certainly wasn't the first. I smile back at her, and I can tell she's not sure if that's how I smile or not. She's never really seen me smile before. 

"Hi Amy. You're conversing with the enemy, you know," I told her, looking over at the 'popular table.' Everyone sitting there was watching her. She sighed and sat down across from me.

"Yeah well, I've done it before and I'll do it again…" she told me. I smiled. I told you she was nice. 

"So can I do something for you?" I asked her. She looked at me, again a little confused. I never said that with out a sharp sarcastic tone before. But, she deduced I was sincere this time and shook her head.

"No, I just. I wanted to make sure you were okay. After everything that happened yesterday, I mean…" she said almost nervously. I smiled and she was a little more at ease. 

"Amy, look at them over there," I said and together we turned to look at her friends, "how many times have you seen any of them do anything genuinely nice for another person? Something purely unselfish? Not often, is it?" I asked her. She thought for a little, and shook her head. 

"No, I suppose not…" she admitted, like the words tasted bitter in her mouth.

"I realized that I don't want to be like them anymore. I wanted to smile at people, I wanted to be nice. I wanted to be liked by people of actual character. What I did yesterday, I set myself free from them. For the first time in five years, I am okay," I explained. She nodded and smiled at me. 

"I'm happy for you, then…" she said. I smiled and nodded. At this point, deep in Amy's eyes, she had a look where I could tell… she wanted to be free too. But she was in deeper than I ever could have been. He brother is part of that clique too. If she had done what I had done, he would have talked her back in. And if she tried telling him that she wants out and tries to explain why, he wouldn't understand. It's a widely known fact that Bright, isn't very. 

Amy nodded her head to me, smiled, and stood up from the table and left, promising to sit with me in History class. I watched her smiling until she reached her table again. I watched them harangue her about how I wasn't her friend anymore, and talking to me would only hurt her. She didn't reply, she didn't even look at any of them, she just looked at one spot on the table until they were done. 

As I walked out of Math class a skinny little boy named Arthur walked over beside me, a pad and pencil in his hands. Arthur was the star reporter of the school newspaper.

"Paige! Paige! A moment of your time?" he asked me. Smiling I turned to him.

"Sure," I said. He stopped short in surprise. Never had I spoken a word to him, and now I was given him a moment of my time. He cleared his throat. 

"Well, I, I was just curious, well, the entire school is curious… what caused you yesterday to attack Kayla like that? On the record of course…" he said. I was about to respond when a thought occurred to me. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and together we walked down the hall.

"Arthur, do you think if I wrote something about what went through my mind yesterday, do you think the newspaper would print it?" I asked him. His eyes widened in shock.

"Of course! You're our main story! But, we'd need it by Monday…" he told me. I nodded, smiling.

"Perfect. Monday morning I'll give it to you, okay?" I asked him and he nodded his head. 

"That'd be great!"

"Good, good. Now, get to class, you don't want to be late. See ya Arthur," I told him leaving his side, and walking to my class.

It was perfect. I'd write an apology letter to the entire school. Everything I wanted to say to anybody, I'd say to everybody. A school wide apology, it'd be great. I'll start writing it after school. Well, after detention…

Detention, that day, ironically enough, was we (myself and the other detentionees) had to sweep and mop the cafeteria floor and wash the tables. Of all the kids there, I was now the most famous. I used to think, well, I used to pretend to think, that detention was just for losers, but most of the kids here are pretty cool themselves. A bunch of them actually congratulated me on telling Kayla off. Kayla has twice as many enemies then I did. A lot of kids told me they had been wrong about me, and was glad to hear it. I told them the same. 

But not all aspects of detention were cheerful. Kayla was there, and I could see her frowning from the other side of the cafeteria every time someone congratulated me. Kayla has a long distance frown, perfected over a life time. But Kayla I could deal with, she didn't bother me that much. What bothered me, was that Ephram was there too. He didn't even do anything.

I was washing tables and he was mopping the floor, so I walked over to him. He moved the damp cloth back and forth over the ground, really doing nothing but spreading dirty water over the dirty floor. 

"You shouldn't be here…" I said. He stopped mopping and looked up at me.

"I know…" he told me. I frowned and sighed.

"How long did they give you?" I asked him.

"Three days," he answered, beginning to mop again. I scoffed.

"But you didn't do anything!" I told him.

"I know…" he repeated, still mopping. I sighed and walked carefully over to him. He stopped mopping and looked at me.

"I'll talk to the principal tomorrow, I'll tell him you did nothing but help and that I have witnesses! I'll tell him that if you still have detention, I'll guarantee him an entire article about it in the next edition of the school newspaper!" I told him. Ephram looked at me, at my eyes, like he wasn't sure whether or not to believe me. I sighed.

"Look, Ephram, I know I've been bitch, but I've put that behind me. I never gave you a chance, so let me help you now. It's my fault you're here anyway…" I told him. He nodded finally and I smiled.

"Good! So tomorrow morning I'll talk to him!" I said beginning to walk away from him. My old sneakers slid on the wet floor and I yelped as I fell forward. Luckily, Ephram caught me by the waist and helped me back onto my feet. I turned to him.

"I'll go talk to him now…" I told him. He nodded, almost smiling.

"I appreciate it," he said. I nodded.

"No problem…" I said turning around again and slowly inching my way across the wet part of the floor. I swear I heard him laughing at me. 


	4. more than three but less than five

Out of all the things in my life I've lied about, my threats have never been one of them. I always make true to my threats, and I guess everyone knows that. In case you were wondering where this information was leading, I got Ephram out of detention. 

Doing things for other people is great! I feel so wonderful! I don't remember feeling this good about myself. I helped him! I righted a wrong! I fixed one of my mistakes. I never knew it could feel this good. For five years, what an idiot I was. I could have enjoyed those years, I could have really lived them, but instead, I spent them acting like some, prissy bitch with a stick up her ass. Never again.

As I walked up the drive way to my house I had noticed a car in the driveway that usually wasn't there. I could tell by the giant peace sign on the trunk that Kay was visiting. Kay is the son of my father through his first marriage. My half brother. His mom is kind of, weird… How is she weird, you ask? Well, let's put it this way, Kay is named after her favorite Knight of the Round Table… Sir Kay was a noble knight, son of Sir Ector and raised the brother of King Arthur himself. Sir Kay was also known for being a smartass. It's something he and my brother have in common.

I walked in the door to see Aaron walk past, carrying a DNA model. Keep in mind Aaron is in the third grade. He greets me briefly but has obviously centered his attention on his DNA. 

I set my bag down by the front stairs and walk through the huge dinning room and into the kitchen to find Kay sitting at the table eating, get this, breakfast. He doesn't turn to see me, his back being to me, so he probably thinks I'm a maid or something. Not being a maid, and not being noticed, a minorly evil idea comes to my mind and I sneak up behind him, quietly. 

I'm right behind him and unless he's faking it, which he could be doing, he has no idea I'm there. Quickly I yell out is name and clasp my hands on his shoulders. He yells like a little girl and flings a forkful of scrambled eggs at the wall. I laugh deliriously and sit down at the table next to me. He looks at me trying to act upset when really he's harboring a smile. He then notices my eye and change of appearance.

"Whoa, Satch, what the Hell happened to you? You get in a fight?" he asked me jokingly. I shrugged, grinning.

"I hit her good," I told him. His eyes widened in surprise and then he just broke out into laughter.

Hm, two things. One, my brother has the weirdest sense of humor you'll ever find. Nothing really surprises him, and if it does, it lasts for about 1.3 seconds before it becomes funny to him. Two, 'Satch.' This is a name Kay and Kay alone calls me. It's a nickname that comes from his favorite baseball player of all time. Satchel Paige. Paige, get it? Satchel Paige was a pitcher for about forty or so years, and in one game, struck batting legend Rogers Hornsby out five times. So Kay calls me Satch and gets away with it. Hey, Kay is 25 years old and 6'3", I'm not going to mess with him unless he's sitting down…

Kay, it seems, is on a two week vacation from work in New York City, and has decided to spend it here with us in Everwood. How lucky for Everwood… Kay always had this great feeling about this place, he liked coming every chance he got. He explained it as quiet and peaceful, different from the motion of NYC. He finds that funny, by the way.

Anyway, since he had driven all night and was just now waking up, I explained to him my great escape as he ate his breakfast. I don't know if he let me talk uninterrupted because he was interested, or because he was chewing. Either way I'm kind of glad he kept silent until I was done.

When I was done he sat back in his chair in thought like some divine Buddha or something. Then, suddenly, he stuck out his hand to me.

"Congratulations…" he said. I smiled and shook it.

"Thanks," I replied. He nodded. He used a few fingers and lifted some strands of my hair off of my face to get a better look at my black eye.

"Have Dad and your mom seen this yet?" he asked. I nodded.

"What'd they say?" 

"Oh, parents are supposed to say something when their children come home with black eyes and covered in mashed potatoes?" I asked him and he laughed slightly, nodding.

"Fair enough, fair enough. It's a beauty though Satch," he told me, nodding in approval. I frowned.

"I'll pass on your compliments to Kayla…" I told him. He laughed again.

"So, this Ephram guy, it's Ephram right? Okay, so about him, is he cute?" he asked me. I stared at him blankly for a few moments.

"You are so gay…" I told him. He chuckled.

"No, come on. I mean, could a crush on him some how be the cause of all of this. Yeah, don't look at me like that. I'm serious. I've seen some girls do mad stuff for some guys…" he explained. I sighed and shook my head.

"I'm not 'some girl,' Kay…"

"And he's not 'some guy.' Come on! You were going to say that Satch! You were going to say that!" he said pointing at me and laughing. 

I was about to retort when we heard a loud scream coming from upstairs, followed by crying that filled the halls of the large house. Kay and I both knew the sound so we flew from our chairs, out of the kitchen, and up the nearest stairs, me in the lead.

We ran into Turner's school room to find him on the floor in the corner, crying and clutching his hand. A teacher and an aid were kneeling next to him, trying to get him to calm down. I ran over to him and kind of, well, shoved, the aid aside. 

"What happened?" I asked the teacher, holding Turner's crying face in my hands and looking tenderly at him.

"He cut himself with the scissors," she explained. I looked at the hand he was holding and saw a small stream of blood on it. I turned back to my weeping older brother.

"Turner, come on Turner, calm down, you'll be okay, I promise," I told him smiling. 

Ever since I was born, Turner always reacted to me differently than everyone else. He knew the special relationship between a big brother and a little sister, and he shared it with me. He also knew the special relationship between a little sister and a big brother, and let me share that with him.

"It hurts, it hurts…" he told me in his unusual but own distinct voice. I rubbed the side of his face and the back of his head gently.

"I know Turner, I know it hurts. But you'll be okay, I promise you. We're going to take care of you," I told him, smiling. He smiled back at me, breathing heavily but no longer crying.

"It hurts…" he repeated, but this time without pain in his voice. I moved some hair away from his eyes.

"I know. But think of it this way, it means you're alive…" I told him and he smiled fully and laughed a little. You haven't heard laughter until you've heard my brother laugh. There's no sound sweeter in the entire world. 


End file.
